The letter below was
sent to the International Astronomers Union on P:2J2006
or 24 August 2006.
Dear Sir/Madam,
We read that the planet Pluto is no longer a planet,
according to a recent decision of the International
Astronomers Union (IAU).
It seems that now the "real" planets of the Solar System
are Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus,
and Neptune. Pluto at best will not be considered a
planet, but a "dwarf planet" along with Ceres and 2003
UB313 (aka Xena).
Well, at the Fifth World Council, an international
organisation of Fifth World nations, Pluto is, and remains
a Planet, with a capital "P". We will listen to the
suggestions of the IAU as we would listen to the Bishop of
Rome. You folks are no less dogmatic than the Pope, and if
it took you over 70 years figure out Pluto wasn't a
planet, then you are also "dwarf intellectuals", and the
new priesthood of a false religion. We already knew
medicine was a false science; astronomy may be no more
rigourous (or salutary).
Pluto was given a Day of the Week in the Cesidian calendar
(link),
a
calendar
which
we
believe
will
eventually
replace
that
crappy
Gregorian
calendar you foolish astronomers and "dwarf astrologers"
still use. That is what should have been kicked out: the
Gregorian calendar, not Pluto! As I write this email the
day is Plutoday 2 Jung 2006 (I'm not making this up),
which is also the day of the decision of the IAU,
interestingly enough! We will continue to call this day
Plutoday 2 Jung 2006.
We will still honour oddball Pluto. As real astrologers,
not "dwarf astrologers" like you folks, we knew all along
Pluto was an oddball, and not just because of its odd
orbit. We kind of like the old rebel, since he kind of
reminds us of the so-called Antichrist (who is really the
Christ that "dwarf theologians" haven't figured out). What
a waste of taxpayers' money all your educations have been.
Shame on you!
At the Department of Bucksfanian Astrology (link) we will also continue to
call Pluto a Planetary Ruler, and among the traditional
Planetary Rulers of the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars,
Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto, Bucksfanian
astrologers also add Ceres, Pallas, Vesta, and Chiron (14
planetary rulers for the 14 signs of the Bucksfanian
Zodiac). Xena is a "whimp" in Bucksfanian astrological
terms, and we have no use for it. :P
Rev. Dr. Cesidio Tallini
President of Fifth World
Council
Chancellor of Bucksfan
University¹
References and Notes