The letter below was sent to the
International Astronomers Union on
P:2J2006 or 24 August 2006.
Dear Sir/Madam,
We read that the planet Pluto is no longer a planet, according to a
recent decision of the International Astronomers Union (IAU).
It seems that now the "real" planets of the Solar System are Mercury,
Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. Pluto at best
will not be considered a planet, but a "dwarf planet" along with Ceres
and 2003 UB313 (aka Xena).
Well, at the Fifth World Council, an international organisation of
Fifth World nations, Pluto is, and remains a Planet, with a capital
"P". We will listen to the suggestions of the IAU as we would listen to
the Bishop of Rome. You folks are no less dogmatic than the Pope, and
if it took you over 70 years figure out Pluto wasn't a planet, then you
are also "dwarf intellectuals", and the new priesthood of a false
religion. We already knew medicine was a false science; astronomy may
be no more rigourous (or salutary).
Pluto was given a Day of the Week in the Cesidian calendar
(link),
a
calendar which we believe will
eventually replace that crappy Gregorian calendar you foolish
astronomers and "dwarf astrologers" still use. That is what should have
been kicked out: the Gregorian calendar, not Pluto! As I write this
email the day is Plutoday 2 Jung 2006 (I'm not making this up), which
is also the day of the decision of the IAU, interestingly enough! We
will continue to call this day Plutoday 2 Jung 2006.
We will still honour oddball Pluto. As real astrologers, not "dwarf
astrologers" like you folks, we knew all along Pluto was an oddball,
and not just because of its odd orbit. We kind of like the old rebel,
since he kind of reminds us of the so-called Antichrist (who is really
the Christ that "dwarf theologians" haven't figured out). What a waste
of taxpayers' money all your educations have been. Shame on you!
At the Department of Bucksfanian Astrology
(link) we
will also continue to call
Pluto a Planetary Ruler, and among the traditional Planetary Rulers of
the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune,
and Pluto, Bucksfanian astrologers also add Ceres, Pallas, Vesta, and
Chiron (14 planetary rulers for the 14 signs of the Bucksfanian
Zodiac). Xena is a "whimp" in Bucksfanian astrological terms, and we
have no use for it. :P
Rev. Dr. Cesidio Tallini
President of Fifth World Council
Chancellor of Bucksfan University¹
References and Notes